Encountering
me so often, she is perhaps expecting me to address her one day. The motives
that constitute an obstacle to a possible meeting between the two of us are
several. In the first place, Miss Zwida collects and draws seashells; I had a beautiful
collections of shells, years ago, when I was a boy, but then I gave it up and
have forgotten everything: classifications, morphology, geographical distribution
of the various species. A conversation with Miss Zwida would lead me inevitably
to talk about seashells, and I cannot decide what attitude to take, whether to
pretend absolute ignorance or to call on a remote experience now vague; it is
my relationship with my life, consisting of things never concluded and half
erased, that the subject of seashells forces me to contemplate; hence the
uneasiness that finally puts me to flight.
In addition
there is the fact that this girl’s application in drawing seashells denotes in
her a search for formal perfection which the world can and therefore must
attain; I, on the contrary, have been convinced for some time that perfection
is not produced except marginally and by chance; therefore it deserves no
interest at all, the true nature of things being revealed only in
disintegration. If I were to approach Miss Zwida, I would have to express some
appreciation of her drawings – which are of highly refined quality, for that
matter, as far as I have been able to see – and therefore, at least at first, I
would have to pretend to agree with an aesthetic and moral ideal that I reject,
or else declare my feelings at the very start, with the risk of wounding her.
If on
a winter’s night a traveler, Italo Calvino
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